TOP 10 THINGS DIVORCED/DIVORCING PARENTS WILL
WISH THEY DID DURING BACK-TO-SCHOOL SEASON.
As I see school supplies invading the aisles of stores, fall clothing being hung on clothing racks, and Halloween candy already beginning to tempt me at the grocery store, I felt appropriate to remind parents—before it is too late—of the ten things they should keep in mind as schools start up again.
1. Review Temporary Orders or your Parenting Plan
Before the school year begins, review any temporary orders or parenting plans that are in place. These could be part of an order, or could be documents laying out a separate plan incorporated into an order—be sure you check all pleadings your lawyer has provided you.
Pay attention to:
• Make sure you review the official order: Avoid reviewing drafts of the order. Pull the orders signed by the judge or magistrate. This helps avoid accidentally relying on an old draft that may have been changed.
• Decision making: Make sure you understand the details about who can legally make decisions about classes, extracurricular activities, etc.
– Are you able to make decisions alone?
– Does the order or plan require you to make decisions with your spouse/ex-spouse?
– Does the order provide for final decisions in the event you disagree?
• Parenting time/timeshare schedules: Revisit the school parenting time schedule. Refamiliarize yourself with times, pick-up and drop off. Ensure the visitation schedule aligns with school routines and extracurricular activities.
• Communication guidelines: Follow any specified methods for communication between you and your spouse/ex-spouse and with the school. Following these orders will ensure that things not only run smoothly, but could avoid negative implications in your case or avoid a motion being filed against you.
2. Communication, Communication, Communication
Effective communication between co-parents is crucial.
• Be respectful, clear, and consistent: Follow all orders related to communication, but be respectful, clear, and consistent in discussing and addressing school-related matters.
– Even if your co-parent is not being polite or respectful to you, you should do your best to put your child(ren) first and be polite and respectful.
– Be clear and to the point. Make sure you give this the same attention you give at work or on an important matter. Review your communication before you send it. Be sure you addressed all topics and that it is easy to understand.
– Be consistent and follow-up. Even if your co-parent is not consistent does not mean you should not be reliable. Respond timely and if you do not get a response, politely circle back.
• Common back to school comments to keep in mind:
– Academic progress: Regularly update each other on your child(ren)’s grades, assignments, and any areas needing improvement. Keep them informed of what you are doing at your home so you can work together.
– Extracurricular activities: Coordinate schedules and responsibilities for sports, clubs, and other activities.
– School events: Ensure both parents are informed about parent-teacher conferences, school plays, and other important events.
• Consider applications/shared calendars: Make sure you are using any applications or calendars required under your order, if not ordered, consider using shared calendars or co-parenting apps to keep track of schedules and important dates.
3. Work to Create a Consistent Routine
Children thrive on routine and stability. Work together to establish consistent routines between both households.
This includes:
– Homework: Discuss setting specific times for homework and study sessions.
– Bedtime: Discuss setting and maintaining consistent bedtimes and bedtime routines to ensure your child(ren) get(s) adequate rest.
– Morning routines: Create a morning routine that helps your child start the day on a positive note. Consistency between households can help your child adjust more easily to the changes brought by divorce.
4. Be Mindful of School Supplies and Expenses
Divorce can impact finances, making it important to plan for school-related expenses.
Discuss and agree upon:
• Review your parenting plan or child support orders: First review your parenting plan and child support orders. Do they provide for the division of expenses? Are they in certain percentages?
• School supplies: Share the responsibility of purchasing school supplies, clothing, and other necessities. If there are no orders regarding school supplies, it is always a good idea to chip-in on reasonable expenses.
• Extracurricular Fees: Determine how fees for sports, clubs, and other activities will be handled.
•Plan for and avoid unexpected costs: Plan for unexpected expenses, such as field trips or special projects. Look at your schools’ calendars and other materials carefully. Not only for yourself, but also for your co-parent. If you see something, calendar the event and due dates of the fees/expenses.
Clear agreements on financial responsibilities can prevent misunderstandings and ensure your child has what they need.
5. Support Your Child’s Emotional Well-Being
Divorce can be emotionally challenging for children. As they return to school, be attentive to their emotional needs.
• Reassurance: Provide consistent reassurance and support, emphasizing that both you and the other parent are committed to their well-being and that divorce won’t change that.
• Professional Support: Consider involving school counselors or therapists if needed. Being proactive in addressing your child(ren)’s emotional needs can help them navigate the changes more effectively.
6. Coordinate with School Staff
First review your orders and determine the appropriate level of involvement you and your co-parent should have with the school. To the extent you are not acting against orders or the parenting plan, consider informing school staff about any changes which could impact the schooling of your child(ren).
Share relevant information with:
• Confirm that the school has current order: Consider coordinating the sending of a joint letter with you and your spouse as the authors which provides the school current orders.
• Contact Information: In the same joint letter, ensure that the school is aware of any changes in addresses, contact information, and emergency contacts; also update any pick-up and drop-off information if necessary.
7. Plan for Unexpected Issues or Emergencies
Having a plan for the unexpected and emergencies is essential.
Work with your co-parent to ensure both you and are prepared to handle unexpected situations:
• Emergency contacts: As indicated above, update emergency contacts information with the school. List your co-parent or the persons permitted to be listed on the order, or someone you and your co-parent agree upon.
• Medical Information: Share relevant medical information and ensure both parents are aware of any health concerns.
• Contingency plans: Develop contingency plans for situations such as illness or unexpected schedule changes.
Being prepared for emergencies can help mitigate stress and ensure your child’s safety.
8. Focus on Co-Parenting Cooperation
Regardless of whether you and your c0-parent share custody and must make joint decisions, or whether you have sole custody and make decisions on your own, a co-parenting approach is always the best approach.
Keep these principles in mind:
• Respect: Maintain a respectful and cooperative attitude towards your co-parent.
• Flexibility: Be willing to adjust schedules and plans as needed for the best interest of your child(ren).
• Understanding vs. Convincing: If you and your co-parent disagree on something, try to make sure you understand why you disagree and what it is you disagree about. By fully understanding you may be better able to address disagreement in a way that makes everyone happy or offer a compromise that you can live with. If a co-parent immediately tries to convince the other person they are wrong, they might miss a quick fix that addresses the issues without creating conflict.
• Conflict Resolution: Address conflicts calmly and constructively. Do not attack or bring up other issues and focus on the issue at hand.
9. Remember the Judge(s) are Watching
Even if you are divorced, judges could see the angry text, the snippy email, or worse hear the voicemail of a co-parent with a raised voice. For better or for worse most interactions you have with your co-parent, faculty or staff is fair game to be used as evidence in the future.
A cooperative co-parenting relationship can significantly benefit your child(ren)’s adjustment to the new school year and make a big difference in your case now or in the future.
10. Record Keeping
Keeping organized records of communications, school records, attendance records, expenses, payments etc… is not only a great idea for you and your co-parent to do for your child, but also great help to you.
• Accurate and organized records reduce your attorney fees: Providing your attorney with a disorganized folder of texts, emails, wrinkled receipts, and incomplete financial statements (or worse screen captures) will lead to a hefty bill. Remember, you know your life better than anyone else. You know what your bills look like, you remember the time of year a text was sent, and the order in which things took place—your lawyer does not. They will be left to sift through and make order of a puzzling array of evidence you provide. Most of the time, this will take hours and lead to several calls or emails. The more organized you keep things, the better off you will be.
• Build a weekly habit of organizing, printing, and saving up your records: If you make a weekly habit out of keeping your records, or putting evidence together for your current case, you will not be overwhelmed by it when it comes time to turn it over to your attorney.
• Talk to your lawyer about whether keeping a contemporaneous log (“recorded recollection”) is right for you, your family, and your case: When you are shopping for your child(ren)’s school supplies run over and grab a five subject notebook and use the subjects as categories to log the relevant events, communications, and happenings related to schooling, division of expenses and other aspects of your case. You will not be able to remember it all and best of all, if done properly, you can read from it while sitting on the witness stand. If you prefer to do so electronically, ask your lawyer the best way to do this in your jurisdiction.
• Back-up your records: I cannot tell you the amount of times where a notebook has gone missing, a USB drive has gone missing or become corrupt, or the electronic device has been lost, the contents deleted, or been destroyed in my years of practice. Scan hard copies and save them in multiple secure places away from others. Save electronic records to duplicate drives and to the cloud. Anticipate anything from fires, flooding, theft, to the zombie apocalypse. As great as these records are, they are nothing if they are not available when you need them most.
• Discuss your records and the above with your lawyer: Every case is different, every state is different, counties are peculiar, and even judges in the same counties may take different approaches. Because of that, you should talk to your attorney before you take action. Only your attorney will know the ins-and outs of your case and whether the above works for you and your family.
Written by: Samuel Patry
Approaching 17 years of practice, Samuel D. Patry began to limit his law practice to matters related to family law in 2015, after gaining valuable experience in the areas of small business representation, commercial litigation, and estate planning.
This comprehensive experience coupled with Samuel’s passion for litigation have not only provided him an advantage in sophisticated family law litigation involving businesses and complex assets, but having begun his career as a prosecutor and serving on an inter-agency Child Abuse Response Team Samuel developed the discretion, empathy, and grit to handle even the most contentious custody disputes.
Licensed in Ohio and Kentucky Samuel heads Barrow Brown Carrington, PLLC’s Cincinnati office and serves Cincinnati and the surrounding areas. Samuel also accepts select cases in Northern Kentucky and other areas of Ohio.
Learn more about Samuel here.
Request A Consultation
Submitting your information does not create an attorney-client relationship.
DISCLAIMER
THE INFORMATION PROVIDED IN THIS POST IS FOR GENERAL INFORMATIONAL PURPOSES ONLY AND DOES NOT CONSTITUTE LEGAL ADVICE. LAWS AND REGULATIONS VARY BY STATE, COUNTY, AND SPECIFIC CIRCUMSTANCES OF YOUR MATTER, AND THE INFORMATION PRESENTED HERE MAY NOT APPLY TO YOUR PARTICULAR SITUATION. ALWAYS CONSULT WITH A QUALIFIED FAMILY LAW ATTORNEY TO OBTAIN ADVICE TAILORED TO YOUR INDIVIDUAL CIRCUMSTANCES. REVIEWING THIS BLOG POST DOES NOT CREATE AN ATTORNEY-CLIENT RELATIONSHIP BETWEEN YOU AND THE AUTHOR, PUBLISHER, BARROW BROWN CARRINGTON, PLLC OR ITS ATTORNEYS. THE AUTHOR AND PUBLISHER ARE NOT RESPONSIBLE FOR ANY ACTIONS TAKEN BASED ON THE INFORMATION PROVIDED IN THIS BLOG POST.
IF YOU HAVE LEGAL QUESTIONS PLEASE CONTACT OUR OFFICES DIRECTLY FOR A CONSULTATION IN COLORADO, FLORIDA, INDIANA, KENTUCKY, OR OHIO.
